If COVID-19 has done nothing else for me it has certainly made me reflect on my life. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why I constantly eat junk. Why my poor loving husband takes so much shit from me. Why I get so angry at my kids right away.....I believe today I finally hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head.
I. Hate. Myself.
Seriously, don't tell me to not be ridiculous....or how blessed I am and I should feel that way. I know, fuck I know all too well how lucky I am. Regardless of how I SHOULD feel, it's just not happening. Sure, there are days that shine and I push through them with as much happiness as possible but it's so difficult. Because every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded that I'm too fat, not educated enough, not driven enough to advance....and the list goes on.
Yes, if you are reading this you may have nailed it also and you are sitting there going, "You don't hate yourself, you are DEPRESSED!" Ding. Ding. Ding. Folks....we have a winner. Truth is my Mother got sick and passed away in February of this year and a few weeks later COVID went into full force. I've never fully recovered and being isolated in this house just makes matters worse. I read an interesting article today though; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/urban-survival/201806/how-adopt-antidepressant-diet. I'm going to try adapting some of these dietary changes into new eating habits. I've also had some success with St. John's Wort. I will add that back into my diet.
With any luck, making subtle changes will alter my mental health and aid in my physical changes. Have you experienced these feelings?