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If COVID-19 has done nothing else for me it has certainly made me reflect on my life. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why I constantly eat junk. Why my poor loving husband takes so much shit from me. Why I get so angry at my kids right away.....I believe today I finally hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head.
I. Hate. Myself. Seriously, don't tell me to not be ridiculous....or how blessed I am and I should feel that way. I know, fuck I know all too well how lucky I am. Regardless of how I SHOULD feel, it's just not happening. Sure, there are days that shine and I push through them with as much happiness as possible but it's so difficult. Because every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded that I'm too fat, not educated enough, not driven enough to advance....and the list goes on. Yes, if you are reading this you may have nailed it also and you are sitting there going, "You don't hate yourself, you are DEPRESSED!" Ding. Ding. Ding. Folks....we have a winner. Truth is my Mother got sick and passed away in February of this year and a few weeks later COVID went into full force. I've never fully recovered and being isolated in this house just makes matters worse. I read an interesting article today though; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/urban-survival/201806/how-adopt-antidepressant-diet. I'm going to try adapting some of these dietary changes into new eating habits. I've also had some success with St. John's Wort. I will add that back into my diet. With any luck, making subtle changes will alter my mental health and aid in my physical changes. Have you experienced these feelings?
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My daughter loves softball. I mean LOVES SOFTBALL.
She has been playing since she was 9 and almost instantly fell in love. She played rec ball for a couple years then was asked about joining a travel softball team. My husband and I discussed it and thought, what the hell...why not? I promise I won't spend this whole post bashing playing travel ball, there is a lot of good in it. Seeing new places, being competitive, meeting new people, learning to work as a team....all great benefits. What do I hate? Manipulation. Liars. Gossip. Pretending to be someone's friend. And that's just the parents. I wish I were joking but totally not. I have one mom in particular that has spent the last 3 weeks talking about another parent on the team. Saying she is upset.....hurt her feelings.....can't handle how much drama she causes.....told me things this parent supposedly said about her daughter..... Fast forward to this past weekend. GUESS WHO SPENT EVERY MOMENT WITH THIS PARENT??? The truth of the matter is, I'm just not catty enough for this BS. I can't "talk shit" on someone for weeks then be their best friend, it's so not cool. Have any of you had experience with this? If so, how have you dealt with the situation?  I I love Survivor. L O V E LOVE SURVIVOR.
Please, if you haven't watched the finale....don't read this spoiler! I become emotionally invested in the characters and I obviously had a favorite this season....Rick Devens. Before anyone starts giving me the BS that it's just a game...blah blah blah. No shit, I know that but it doesn't mean I can't be pissed. There are a few issues I have with how it all went down. 1) Why Survivor.....would you wait until the last night to bring a player back? Chris was the THIRD person voted out of the game. We don't know him. He didn't have a ton of fans because of this. And you gave us no opportunity to be a fan. Ultimately leading to a winner that no one knows or gives a shit about?!? You wonder why everyone is pissed? We loved Rick. We watched him play, and trick, and scheme....and you ripped him away. Bad move, a player should have been brought back from Edge of Extinction a couple weeks ago. 2) Rick Devens....man why did you give Chris the other portion of that damn idol? If you would have given immunity to Gavin and kept Lauren and Julie you could have beaten one of them at making fire. DAMN IT! I know, I know.....no one is gonna kick you in the ass more than yourself. It was a heart breaker though....not just for you but all your fans too. Overall, I liked the island twist but I think it was better when no one knew it was an option. The response the first time everyone walked out was fantastic. I wish they would have kept the island secret until the 5 or 6 weeks before the finale and let two people fight their way back in. After that, no more. With all that being said, I can't wait until the next season!!! What happened to today’s society? We live in a world where everyone wants everything but only a handful of people want to work for it!?
I’d love to say it was one random event that led to my statement, but it’s been a culmination of years that has driven me crazy. Whether it be work, PTO, parenting in general, sports….everyone wants to have the best of everything but they are too busy to put in the time and help make it happen. It’s so hard to get coworkers/parents to step up and do ANYTHING. I often hear, “It’s NOT my job!” or “I don’t have time, I’m too busy!” GROWN adults....hello? What are you teaching your kids? You are teaching them that bitching gets them what they want. You are teaching them that they don't need to put in the extra effort because someone will do it for them. You are teaching them that lazy is ok. NOT acceptable. News flash folks, it may not be your job but shit needs to get done. It should not always be the same people taking charge. Stop expecting something for nothing. Step up your game and hold yourself accountable. I’m willing to bet if you REALLY look at your schedule you can find an hour or two a week to do something extra. “Be the change you wish to see in the world” ~ Gandhi I have a co-worker that complains incessantly. Anytime she isn’t included in something she starts bitching. Did someone without telling her? You are an idiot. Did something without her help? You must be doing it the wrong way. It’s driving me crazy and giving off this ridiculous negative vibe.
I want to separate myself from her but she’s in the same damn department as me. My problem is that I feel like it’s bringing me down. Seriously making me unhappy. I even feel like I’m taking it home with me….not good. I don’t want to be a bitch but feel like there are steps I need to make to disconnect.
Have any of you had experience with this? If so, how did you deal with it?  This adulting shit ain’t for the weak of heart. I’m constantly juggling life; kids, job, sports schedules, meals, laundry, cleaning, spending time with my Husband, etc. It’s a long list of never-ending duties.
The one thing I have learned is that please everyone else just isn’t a priority. My responsibility for happiness end within the four walls of my home, otherwise you are shit outta luck. I mean seriously, we spend all this time giving back to schools and volunteering our time but who is that for? All too many times, it is sucking the joy out of our lives. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to go out and quit everything you volunteer your time for but I am saying you should invest wisely. Don’t give all of yourself to a person or event that is completely ungrateful for what you are bringing to the table. Sit there…right now, while you are reading this…..think about what you give your valuable time to and let me ask you this…. 1) Does it bring you joy? (Don’t get all Marie Kondo on me, I’m serious!) If you are miserable while volunteering you are most likely doing it via a feeling of obligation. You are not REQUIRED to do things. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to stress yourself out. 2) Do you feel valued or used? When you volunteer your time for an organization it’s easy to get caught up in the yes. Sometimes you work with people who “yes” just as much as you so feel incredibly grateful to have you by their side. Then you have times when you are the only person saying yes because you are being used. Don’t let someone use you and take advantage of you because they are too lazy to do it themselves. 3) Is volunteering yourself putting stress on your family? I spent years being the PTO President for my kids school. I liked doing it but after the 6th year it was getting a little old for my husband. He wasn’t being selfish but our kids were getting older and it was time to spend more QT together. We compromised and I took a much less demanding role in the PTO. Win-win for both of us. I have two children. One outgoing and active girl. One introverted and mostly quiet boy.
I've struggled for years with wondering how to get my son out of his shell. Most of the time I feel like a failure. I'm don't think anything is wrong with being an introvert. But I don't want him spending the rest of his life in the shadows of others. Today, I received an update on his Physical Education grade, he got a not so hot grade and the reason listed? Attitude. I think he has a hard time communicating his feelings. Now, more than ever, I feel the need to nip it in the bud. He is 14 years old and will soon be a man. I need to teach him to communicate and deal with his anger in a healthy way. Do you have any suggestions? The #Last90Days Challenge....ever heard of it?
I hadn't, until last week. While I'm obviously a newbie, the notion is to end the year with the same amount of excitement and positive vibes that we have on New Year's Day. Staying accountable to ourselves (AKA - not binging for 3 months due to the holiday's coming up) and pushing ourselves to do great things. I started this morning with a fresh outlook. I want, no NEED, to push myself further. I'm capable of so much more than I'm giving myself credit. The one activity I really loved this morning was writing down ten things that I a grateful for. My top fives items really put things into perspective for me: 1. My husband 2. My Children 3. Our home 4. My career 5. Family It's incredibly easy to take things for granted but when you are writing it down for yourself it makes everything else in the world seem so insignificant. What would be on your Grateful List? Be sure to check out the challenge for yourself here: https://thechicsite.com/90days/ I feel like every morning I ask myself this question. Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed with a full-time career that I love MOST of the time. If it weren’t for the commute, I would love it way more. But I go through life feeling like something is missing.
I love photography. Love it, like obsessively. When I’m behind the lens I feel as though I’m capturing stories to preserve for eternity. But is it something I can do and still make an honest living? I have no clue. Maybe that is what holds me back from pursuing my dreams. Maybe I question my talent…skill…creativity. Maybe I worry that I will fail and not have my comfy career to fall back on. Whatever the reason is for holding me back, it’s something I have been contemplating more and more lately. I don’t want to spend my life not doing what I love. Especially when it’s something that has the potential to set me free. Is there something that sets your soul on fire? Something you would love to pursue but are too afraid to push forward? |
